“Freakin’ Lenny & Joe’s! Isn’t that amazing? I am beside myself!”
“Nice.”
She made a face. “I thought you’d be more excited.”
“I am excited,” I said, trying. But I didn’t live there anymore and didn’t really think a Lenny & Joe’s in New Haven would have much bearing on my life.
“Fine, forget it,” she said. She ended a lot of our conversations that way when she didn’t get what she wanted, turning it into my problem, hoping I might feel bad enough to chase after her. I often did. But not that time.
Sasha (left) and Nadia Bowers.
Photo: Courtesy Nadia Bowers
I know now that this was a cue for connection. I thought you’d be more excited. Sasha was looking for a way to relate to me at a time when we’d grown apart.
Lenny & Joe’s was a point of intersection, and I’d blown right by it. But now she’s made sure I’ll never miss it again.
The restaurant is right on the harbor. I’m strangely comforted that maybe Sasha saw water in her last moments. The off-track-betting place is right next door. Maybe she saw the painted horses. I wonder if she knew what was happening. Or if she really just thought she was going to take a little nap, like Dennis suggested. I don’t want her to have known what was happening. I don’t want her to have been scared.
Dennis comes back the next day with Sasha’s phone. He tells me he talked to Ron. Not a man of many words, Dennis has a hard time finding any.
“Nadia…that guy,” he says. “You should have heard him when I told him about Sasha…it was…he was…”
Out of his mind. Devastated. Feel it, Ron. Fucking feel it.
He hands me Sasha’s phone. It has a little circular sticker on it that says “9133.” He assures me they took from it all they could use. Which was nothing.
I am on my own.
Excerpted from Dear Dealer: A Memoir by Nadia Bowers. Photographs courtesy of Nadia Bowers. Published in the United States by Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Here is a list of FAQs about A Sisters Overdose and the Impossible Questions She Left Behind
What is A Sisters Overdose and the Impossible Questions She Left Behind about
Its a memoir about losing a sister to overdose and the grief guilt and unanswerable questions that follow
Who wrote it
It was written by Sarah B Smith a journalist who lost her sister Annie to an overdose
Is it a memoir or a selfhelp book
Its a memoir first but many readers find it helpful for processing grief and addiction loss
When was it published
It was published in 2025
What makes this book different from other addiction memoirs
It focuses less on the addicted persons story and more on the sibling left behind which is often overlooked
What does the title mean by impossible questions
It refers to questions like Why didnt I see it or Could I have saved herquestions with no real answers
Who is this book for
Anyone who has lost someone to addiction especially siblings and anyone trying to understand that kind of grief
Do I need to know about addiction to read it
No Its written for general readers and explains things clearly
Is it sad
Yes its heavy but many readers also find it hopeful and honest
How long is it
Its about 300 pages so its a moderate read
Is it available as an audiobook
Yes its available in hardcover ebook and audiobook formats
What are the main themes
Grief sibling loss guilt family silence addiction stigma and the search for meaning
Does the author blame herself
She explores her guilt honestly but doesnt stay stuck in blame Thats part of the books arc
Does it offer practical advice for grieving siblings
Yes indirectly It shows one persons path through grief which can help others feel less alone
Whats the biggest takeaway
That some questions cant be answered and healing means learning to live with that
Does the book talk about overdose prevention
It touches on it but its not a policy or medical guide Its personal
Is it appropriate for someone currently struggling with addiction
It could be