Throughout my adult life, I’ve tried a whole list of New Year’s resolutions—quit weed! Do Pilates every week! Host more dinner parties! Clean the bathtub regularly!—but I’ve rarely, if ever, followed through once January 1st actually arrives. I generally don’t find that an annual deadline to stop doing things I enjoy—or start doing things I dread—helps me change my behavior in any lasting way.

I’ve had much more success with “mottos,” an idea my friend Eliza introduced to me. Instead of picking a specific thing to start or stop in the new year, I choose a short phrase—just a word or two—to guide my overall mindset for the next twelve months. One year it was “improve gently”; another was “enjoy it.” But for 2026, I’m going with something a bit more firm and direct: “Don’t bail.”

I don’t love admitting it, but I’m a serious bailer. I try my best not to skip important emotional or practical commitments—like calling a friend after a breakup or picking someone up from a medical appointment—but too often I treat lower-stakes plans like casual hangs, dinners, parties, or coffee dates as optional, living by John Mulaney’s famous joke like a personal creed: “In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.” Well, Mulaney famously quit hard drugs, so I should—at least in theory—be able to stop backing out of things I’ve agreed to, right?

It’s not that I bail because I don’t want to see my friends—something I’ve tried to explain, though it understandably doesn’t do much to soften their annoyance when I postpone lunch or reschedule drinks. I really do want to spend time with the people I love, especially now that I live alone in a studio apartment. My friends, family, and colleagues keep me steady, happy, and even remotely normal; I’d be lost without them. But I often struggle with what a therapist recently helped me identify as ADHD-induced overwhelm. When I’m feeling good and on top of things, I eagerly make plans I can’t wait to keep. But once obligations pile up and my quieter, introverted side takes over, it can feel like all I can manage is sitting quietly in front of the TV and maybe walking the dog.

I don’t want to use my ADHD as an excuse for flaking—I’m far from the only person I know who deals with executive function challenges and limited energy. Instead, in 2026, I want to be more mindful and honest with myself and others about what I agree to in advance, rather than saying yes to everything only to cancel last-minute.

“Don’t bail” goes beyond just showing up to events I’ve RSVP’d to. I used to think it wasn’t a big deal to cancel or reschedule as long as I was still checking in and being there for people emotionally. But as Zadie Smith once wrote, “Time is how you spend your love,” and I want to be someone the people in my life can rely on, whether we’re having a long heart-to-heart or just grabbing a glass of wine for some light gossip.

Over time, my friends have gotten used to my habits—in fact, after my recent breakup, my friend Sarah gave me three “bail cards” to use whenever needed. (So far I’ve only used one and a half, not to brag.) But their kindness and understanding only make me want to show up more. If I can make it a personal rule to be where I’m supposed to be, consistently—what can’t I do?

Frequently Asked Questions
FAQs My New Years Resolution to Cancel Fewer Plans

BeginnerLevel Questions

1 What does cancel fewer plans really mean as a resolution
It means making a conscious effort to follow through on the social commitments you makelike dinner dates coffee meetups or group activitiesinstead of backing out at the last minute

2 Why is this a good resolution to have
It builds reliability strengthens your relationships reduces guilt and anxiety from canceling and often leads to more fun and meaningful experiences than staying home

3 I always feel tired or busy How do I even start
Start small Dont overbook yourself When youre invited to something pause and honestly ask Will I want to do this when the day comes Only say yes to plans you genuinely intend to keep

4 Whats a simple first step I can take
Try the 24hour rule Once you make a plan avoid canceling within 24 hours of it happening unless its a true emergency This builds accountability

Common Problems Scenarios

5 What if I legitimately need to cancel
Thats okay Life happens The key is to cancel as early as possible be honest and apologetic and immediately propose a specific alternative

6 I often say yes out of pressure then dread the plan later How do I avoid this
Practice polite but firm precommitment responses like That sounds great Let me check my calendar and get back to you tonight This gives you time to decide honestly without the pressure of an immediate yes

7 What if the plan is with someone I dont really enjoy spending time with
Its okay to be selective Its better to politely decline upfront than to repeatedly accept and cancel Focus your resolution on plans with people you want to see

Advanced Tips Strategies

8 How can I make keeping plans feel less like a chore
Reframe your thinking Instead of I