Cazzie David describes her new book, Delusions: Of Grandeur, of Romance, of Progress (out today from St. Martin’s Press), as a “prolonged existential crisis in essays.” Those essays—and crises—take various forms, from a tortured meditation on the end of her twenties to a Notes-app post-mortem of a breakup (“My friend told me she saw you in public making out with the Chicken Shop girl”) and a taxonomy of the members at an influencer-only gym she accidentally joins. From the beaches of Martha’s Vineyard, where she contemplates a perennial situationship, to the floor of her bathroom on the night of her 30th birthday, David mines her own experiences with biting and brutal hilarity.
Her dream for the book? That readers (especially women) will read it and relate. Her nightmare? Having it read by anyone she knows.
Vogue: Early in Delusions, you compare writing a book to childbirth, where to do it again, your body has to erase the memory of the pain. Have you forgotten what was painful about writing this book?
Cazzie David: I’ve been reminded in the last two weeks why it was so horrible. Obviously, it’s so lucky to have a book published, but it’s hard to know if it’s worth the agony. Talking about it is actually one of the worst parts.
Did you know you were writing a book as these essays were emerging?
I’d started writing some essays, and they felt so connected through this one theme of me developing a paralyzing fear of being in charge of my own fate between my 29th and 30th birthdays. But it’s weird—when you’re writing a book, you have this place where any of your observations and thoughts can go, and when you don’t have that anymore, you don’t really know what to do with them.
Have there been any recent social phenomena or social media trends that you’ve wished you could write an essay about?
I don’t know that I would write a full essay about it, but I get a lot of wellness advice because I’m obsessed with wellness, and I’m convinced by all of it. I’m trying to remember, when I watch a video where someone says, “Eat three kiwis a day for this outcome,” that this person doesn’t believe in eating three kiwis a day—this person believes in making a video about eating three kiwis a day. What is the actual motive here? It’s not to get other people to eat kiwis. It’s just that they wanted something to make a video about.
Do you ever catch yourself doing something or lingering in a certain experience because you think it will be good to write about?
It’s the only reason I will leave my house. Almost always, if I leave my house, I get an idea for something to write about. But, by the way, the idea always stems from something bad that happens. So it’s like, am I going to go and have a bad experience and have something to write down, or am I going to avoid the bad experience?
Do you feel like it becomes a bad experience when you’re writing it, or do you know it in the moment?
No, I know it while it happens. I sometimes know it before it happens.
There are a lot of moments in the book where you don’t quite recognize yourself—whether it’s going waterskiing to impress an unrequited crush, editing an Instagram photo, or throwing a 30th birthday party that you don’t want to attend. Do you re-read your books, and if you do, do you recognize the person who wrote them?
I can’t re-read anything I write because I hate everything the second it’s done and I’ve moved on. This book is really about someone who’s trying rationally, or irrationally, to reason her way through our very unreasonable existence. It’s meant to show the lack of growth throughout this one year, when you’re desperate to be the person everyone says you’re going to be by the time you turn 30.
In the book, there’s a lot of acknowledgement of your own privilege and how certain experiences won’t be relatable to your reader—like having famous parents or summering in Martha’s Vineyard.Martha’s Vineyard—but you also write about experiences of body dysmorphia and social media addiction. Is relatability a conscious aim for you?
I only find it interesting to write about if it feels like it could be universal in some way, especially to other women. There’s obviously one defining difference, which is me, but it’s really important to me that it connects to other women.
After you publish something so personal, do you then deal with people talking to you like they know you?
I would love nothing more.
Really?
Yes, because I think every writer, at the end of the day, just wants to be understood. That’s the selfish goal among the other unselfish motives. The dream is that you’re understood and then validated.
So the idea of someone approaching you and saying, “I loved your book,” isn’t terrifying?
It’s literally the best thing that could ever happen to me. I only want strangers to read it and relate to it. I don’t want anyone I know to read it. It’s definitely not for anyone I know.
But will they read it, the people you know?
You know, I don’t know if people still read, so I’m hoping they don’t. We’ll see. It will be clear if they do.
In the way that they treat you?
Yeah. But I do think it’s interesting: if you’re promoting a movie, people can see that in an hour. I might not know how people respond to this for months. People take their time reading, especially if they don’t like it. Then they really take their time. It could be a year before anyone finishes this book.
You have an essay about how when people give advice, it’s often a form of coercion. What’s it like to receive advice about your writing?
I stick to people I trust and whose opinion I really care about. Men love to give me unsolicited advice on my writing. They love to tell me that I should apologize less, which is so ironic. I’m someone who walks into a room and apologizes for having entered it and changed the vibe, so I’m just being myself. The work I respond to most feels really authentic, and it’s the same with the people I respond to. So, apologizing is part of that authenticity for me.
You have this lovely description of how one of the few times in life you feel present is when you’re watching deer in your backyard. Do you feel present when you’re writing?
I don’t think I do, honestly. I really only feel present when I’m looking at nature or watching animals, because they remind you they have nowhere else to be besides the present. It’s why I love having cats, because every time I look at them I’m appalled that they don’t have phones and they’re never distracted.
The book concludes with an account of tearfully trying to take a photo to make an ex jealous the night of your 30th birthday. It made me wonder what it was like taking the author photo for Delusions and whether it was a painful process for you.
I think all photos are painful because you hope one of your faces that you like is going to show up, and oftentimes it doesn’t. And it’s just such a vulnerable situation to stand in front of the camera. But I wrote about trying to get a photo on your birthday because I felt like that was the perfect example of having not grown at all by 30 and still caring about something that’s really silly and trivial.
This conversation has been edited and condensed.
Save to wishlist
Delusions: Of Grandeur, of Romance, of Progress
$27 BOOKSHOP
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about Cazzie Davids book I Hope Youll Read Her New BookJust Not If You Know Her Personally written in a natural conversational tone
General Beginner Questions
1 What is this book about
Its a collection of personal essays where Cazzie David humorously and candidly explores her anxieties social awkwardness family dynamics and the strange experience of growing up in the public eye
2 Who is Cazzie David
She is a writer comedian and the daughter of comedian Larry David Shes known for her web series EightySixed and her sharp selfdeprecating humor on social media
3 Is this a memoir
Its more of an essay collection than a linear memoir Each chapter focuses on a specific theme or story from her life rather than telling her life story from beginning to end
4 Why is the title so long and specific
The title captures the books central conflict the desire to share her authentic often embarrassing thoughts with readers while also fearing the judgment of people who actually know her Its a joke about oversharing
5 Do I need to know who her dad is to enjoy it
No While there are essays about her family the book primarily stands on its own as a reflection on universal themes like insecurity dating and navigating modern life
6 Is the book funny
Yes its primarily a humor book The comedy comes from her acute observations selfdeprecation and the absurd situations her anxiety leads her into
Content Themes
7 What are some of the main topics she writes about
Key topics include social anxiety the perils of dating and breakups the pressure of having a famous parent body image therapy and the weirdness of internet culture
8 Is the book sad or depressing
It has moments of vulnerability and poignancy but the overall tone is witty and resilient She uses humor to dissect difficult feelings making them relatable rather than bleak
9 Are the essays connected or can I read them out of order
You can read them out of order Each essay is a standalone piece though some recurring themes and references will be more appreciated if read in sequence