It all ended the same way it began: on her phone. For Michelle, 28, realizing her long-term relationship was over—one that started with a DM, lasted four years, and was so messy that letting go felt impossible—came down to seeing him with someone else in a viral video.

The moment she spotted it—her ex, smiling next to a beauty influencer—she let out a sharp cry and swore she’d delete Instagram for good. But she didn’t. Instead, like most of us glued to our screens, she kept scrolling, watching their new life unfold as if it were happening right in front of her, a silent taunt: Look how happy he is without you.

She watched them cook together, heard them gush about how they met (“It was fate! Like a movie!”). Deep down, she knew she should stop—her therapist agreed. But honestly, who thinks straight after seeing an ex move on? Especially when the new person is gorgeous, sun-kissed, and constantly showered with free luxury makeup?

At first, Michelle thought this pain was unique to her. Then she watched Too Much, Lena Dunham’s semi-autobiographical series. The show’s lead, Jessica (Megan Stalter), had been with her live-in boyfriend, Zev (Michael Zegen), for seven years before he left her for Wendy, a stunning knitting influencer (played by Emily Ratajkowski, of course). Even as Jessica finds new love, she can’t shake her obsession with Wendy—especially since their romance is plastered all over social media.

Holly, 42, saw her own story reflected in the show. Her ex didn’t leave her for an influencer, exactly—but he did start appearing in paparazzi shots, trailing his new girlfriend, a major celebrity (the kind even your mom would recognize). Holly says it doesn’t matter who your ex ends up with—whether they’re famous or not, the sting is the same.

Back when she was 30, Holly thought her ex was everything she wanted—successful, handsome, creative, and seven years older. He flew her to the UK to meet his family and took her to expensive dinners. While her life felt chaotic and uncertain, his was stable. “I was like a grown-up teenager,” she admits. “He told me, ‘You need to grow up, be independent, have your own life outside of me.’” (A similar dynamic plays out in Too Much—Zev tells Jessica she needs to work on her anxious attachment style.)

So when Holly saw him with someone famous, she couldn’t help wondering if that was part of why he left—because his new girlfriend was more polished. She knew she could never be her, and every time she opened social media, there they were. It was torture.

Samantha, 26, was scrolling through TikTok when she stumbled upon her on-again, off-again fling on a popular lifestyle blogger’s page. “I guess that’s how algorithms work now?” she jokes. “They show you people you’ve seen naked?”

While she wasn’t heartbroken—they were never serious—it was surreal watching his proposal video rack up hundreds of thousands of views. “Knowing someone that intimately, it’s weird seeing their name pop up in comments—people calling him handsome, saying their relationship is ‘goals,’” Samantha says. Still, she couldn’t look away, even if it sometimes made her wonder, Why not me?

So what does closure look like in these situations? Looking back a decade later, Holly admits the heartbreak and humiliation were just part of the process.It was actually pretty motivating. “It woke me up to the fact that he was right—I wasn’t living up to my potential,” she says. “I wasn’t independent. I really needed to get my act together. So yeah, it became one of those stories where the best revenge is becoming the best version of yourself.”

Then there’s the scene in Too Much: In one of the show’s final and most memorable moments, Wendy and Jessica meet for coffee. It’s a raw, vulnerable conversation—the two women, sometimes guarded, sometimes overly eager—coming together to share their stories and find common ground in their experiences. What once drove them apart now connects them.

“That’s the scene where Jessica says, ‘My joy isn’t going to come from his destruction or yours,'” Michelle points out. “And that’s the most important thing, right? I hated this influencer—but sometimes I wanted to be her. I still do.”

She admits there’s also a small part of her that hopes, if her ex ever disappears from her social media feed, she could ask his polished, successful influencer girlfriend the painful, intrusive question she almost feels she deserves to ask: Did he hurt you the same way he hurt me?