Key Takeaways
Writing a wedding speech is really just about putting time and care into your words, and getting ready to speak on the couple’s big day.
If someone close to you is getting married, you might be asked to give a toast during the celebration. Unfortunately, learning how to write a wedding speech isn’t something they teach in school. And while it’s an honor to share your love and memories at such an important milestone, there’s no denying it’s a big task—especially if public speaking isn’t your strong suit.
A wedding speech comes with its own unique challenge: there’s no set formula for how it should go, but it usually needs a mix of heartfelt emotion, a bit of humor, and the good sense to know when to stop. That’s why it’s easy to overthink how exactly you should toast the couple.
Have you been asked to give a wedding toast at an upcoming celebration? No need to stress. Instead, read on to learn how to write a wedding speech the couple will love, and plan for your big moment.
Who Gives Speeches at Weddings?
Photo: Silvia Quadrini
First, it’s important to make sure the couple definitely wants you to give a toast at their celebration. Traditionally, the maid of honor, best man, and parents of the bride give speeches at the wedding. At the rehearsal dinner, the parents of the groom (or whoever is hosting) give a speech, along with other wedding party members the couple has asked. But the couple should ask these guests well in advance, so they have plenty of time to prepare. They might also choose other wedding party members to give toasts at the reception or pre-wedding parties. However, if the couple hasn’t asked you to give a speech, don’t prepare one. Speeches are carefully placed into the wedding timeline to keep the day on schedule, and an extra five minutes could cut into moments that are strategically timed.
The couple also has the right to plan the day as they wish. Sometimes at a rehearsal dinner or welcome party, they might open the floor for additional toasts. But if that doesn’t happen, grabbing the mic unexpectedly for an off-the-cuff speech (especially after a few glasses of wine) won’t be appreciated.
How to Write a Wedding Speech
Photo: Jose Villa
If you’re asked to give a toast, it’s important not to just wing it. “First, recognize that speechwriting is a creative process,” says Allison Shapira, founder and CEO of Global Public Speaking. “Give yourself plenty of time to be creative (meaning not the night before, when you already have enough to stress about). Wait for your most creative time of day, and turn off any distractions. Spend some unhurried time thinking about your relationship with the couple and what you’d like to say.”
Are There Differences in Speeches Depending on Your Role?
Not necessarily. The couple might give you a shorter time limit if you’re a bridesmaid versus the maid of honor or a parent. But your speech can still hit all the notes you want. Speeches are up to the speaker, and you can make your words sentimental, funny, or a mix of both.
What If You Don’t Know One Partner Very Well?
If you really only know one side of the couple, it’s okay to keep the speech focused on them and your relationship. But don’t leave out their new spouse entirely. It’s a good idea to mention them at some point and offer well wishes for both of them as they move into this next phase together.
What Not to Say in a Wedding Speech
Your friend or family member probably doesn’t want any drama or to be unnecessarily embarrassed on one of the most important days of their life. While a gentle joke is fine in a speech, you shouldn’t air anyone’s dirty laundry or say something that could really hurt their feelings.
“It’s important to have a good balance of humor and sentimentality because, if it’s a full roast, it can feel like you’reIf you’re just doing a standup comedy routine for your own benefit, the speech can feel shallow,” says Steven Greitzer, CEO and founder of Provenance, a company that helps write personalized wedding vows, ceremonies, and toasts. “On the other hand, if it’s too emotional, it can become heavy and maybe a bit too sad for a wedding celebration.”
How to Begin and End Your Speech
There’s no exact template, but there is a common basic structure to follow. “The framework I recommend for a wedding speech is: story, message, blessing,” Shapira shares. “Tell a heartwarming story, share the message or value behind it, and then offer a blessing or wish for the couple based on that message.”
“We usually advise speakers to take the audience on a journey: start by making them laugh, then dive into the deeper part of the speech to earn some tears, and finally bring it full circle with a meaningful insight or story about the couple that ends with a funny punchline,” Greitzer shares. “It’s important to balance humor and sentiment. If it’s all jokes, it feels like a standup show for your own ego and lacks substance. If it’s too emotional, it can get heavy and somber for a wedding.”
How to Choose a Story for Your Wedding Speech
When picking a story, Shapira suggests thinking carefully about who will be in the room. “It should obviously be good-natured and not make anyone look bad. It all depends on the family dynamics,” she says. “What one family finds funny, another might find harsh. Choose someone in the audience who can give you helpful feedback, and practice the speech with them beforehand.”
Greitzer adds that it’s important to highlight both members of the couple in the speech. “Great anecdotes show who each person was before they met, how they work together, and how they’ve grown individually and as a couple,” he says. If you don’t know one partner well or their love story, don’t be afraid to get creative. “One of the best speeches I’ve seen was from a bridesmaid who hadn’t spent much time with her best friend’s fiancé due to the pandemic,” Greitzer shares. “She creatively read texts from her phone that gave a hilarious timeline of her friend falling in love.”
If you’re still unsure where to start, consider using an AI platform to help shape your toast. “The Provenance tools guide speakers to create unique and personal ceremonies, vows, and toasts without the stress. It’s a partner in brainstorming, helping you say what you mean—faster,” explains Greitzer. “Instead of an outdated fill-in-the-blank template, expert-crafted prompts inspire special stories and insights, weaving your responses into a custom, editable first draft.”
One final writing tip from Shapira? “I definitely recommend creating an outline, but not writing the speech word for word. When we script everything, it sounds too formal,” says the public speaking expert. “I suggest first brainstorming the content, organizing it into a logical structure, then drafting a general outline to bring to the event. While it might seem better to speak ‘from the heart,’ the stress of memorizing your speech isn’t worth it.”
How Long Should a Wedding Speech Be?
The ideal length for a toast is two to four minutes, which is about 500 to 1000 words on paper. Still, Greitzer notes, “The perfect length for a wedding toast is whatever the couple wants. Many guests don’t realize that long speeches can throw off the whole evening’s timeline and affect the caterer, DJ, and many others.””Much more.” Best rule of thumb? Keep it short and sweet.
Can Multiple People Give One Speech Together?
Absolutely! Many married parents of someone getting married will go up together to give a toast as a group. Sometimes siblings or members of the wedding party also deliver a group toast. If you’re doing a multi-person speech, first make sure the couple is okay with your group arrangement, especially since it will affect the timing of the toasts. You’ll also need to decide when each person will speak, what they’ll say, and how the toast will flow. It’s best to practice a few times as a group to get your rhythm down and be open to each other’s edits. After all, what you say in the speech will reflect on all of you as a group.
How to Deliver a Wedding Speech
Writing a wedding speech is half the challenge—next comes your delivery. It’s important that your toast flows well, feels natural, and doesn’t drag on. This is where the saying “practice makes perfect” really applies. Shapira suggests giving yourself a few weeks to rehearse so your speech feels authentic and smooth. Her advice? “Read your speech out loud and make sure it fits within your time limit. Read it to someone else and get their feedback. Record it and watch it back. We use a tool called AMPLIFY to get AI-based feedback.” She adds, “Don’t memorize the speech, but do read it out loud and make sure it sounds like you.”
Photo: Rasa Juskeviciute
While it’s common now to see toasts read from a phone, both experts agree it’s much better to print out your speech. “Reading from a phone risks distractions from notifications, a weird backlight that can affect your face color in photos, finicky technical issues, and annoying sound interference with the mic,” says Greitzer. (Also, make sure your speech is easy to read with a large font and wide spacing so you can quickly find your place.) Watching yourself in a mirror can also help you understand your body language during the delivery.
The final hurdle of giving a wedding toast is managing your nerves. “Find a quiet place right beforehand to center yourself (maybe the bathroom or a corner of the room), pause and breathe, and remind yourself why you care about the couple,” recommends Shapira. She also adds—unsurprisingly—that it’s best to limit alcohol before the toast. You might think liquid courage helps, but it’s better not to go a glass too far. “No one expects a perfect or professional speech; they want a unique, authentic message. The speech isn’t about you—it’s about the couple. Once you realize the focus isn’t on you, you can relax.”
Photo: Jose Villa
Meet the Experts
Allison Shapira is the founder and CEO of Global Public Speaking, where she advises leaders on speaking and communication.
Steven Greitzer is the CEO and founder of Provenance, an AI company that specializes in helping write personalized wedding vows, ceremonies, and toasts.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here is a list of FAQs about writing a wedding speech the couple will truly love written in a natural conversational tone with clear answers
BeginnerLevel Questions
1 Im terrified of public speaking Any quick tips
Yes Practice your speech out loud at least five times before the wedding Focus on breathing slowly and making eye contact with just one or two friendly faces in the crowd Having a printed card with bullet points is totally fineno one expects you to memorize it
2 How long should my speech be
Aim for 3 to 5 minutes Thats roughly 400600 words Any longer and people might start checking their phones any shorter and it might feel rushed
3 Whats the most important thing to include
A personal heartfelt story or memory that shows why you love the couple and why theyre perfect together Thats the part theyll remember forever
4 Should I start with a joke
Only if youre naturally funny A light tasteful joke can work but avoid anything that could embarrass the couple or the audience If in doubt start with a warm compliment instead
5 Do I need to thank anyone
Its nice to thank the couple for inviting you and to acknowledge the hosts if appropriate But keep it briefthe focus should stay on the couple
Advanced Questions
6 How do I handle a blended family or complex relationships in my speech
Focus on love and unity Mention both sides of the family by name if you can and avoid singling out any drama or history A simple line like Today were all one big happy family works wonders
7 What if Im the best man and the maid of honor How do I balance both roles
Youre essentially a dualroled toastgiver Acknowledge your unique position at the start then split your speech into two short parts one from the grooms side and one from the brides side Keep it balanced and dont take sides
8 How do I avoid clichés like love is blind or you complete me
Replace them with specific concrete details Instead of theyre made for each other say