Thanksgiving is nearly here, and after such a divisive and politically charged period, it’s unlikely the holiday will be completely drama-free.
If your family shares similar political views, cherish those peaceful Thanksgiving discussions. For many of us, though, talking to relatives—or those we simply tolerate—about meaningful topics can be tricky. Plus, these issues aren’t just abstract debates; they impact our daily lives and the well-being of those we care about.
While avoiding these conversations entirely isn’t practical or responsible in 2024, accepting a tense or hostile atmosphere during a time meant for gratitude isn’t appealing either. For advice on handling this, Vogue spoke with Dr. Audra Nuru, a professor of communication and family studies at the University of St. Thomas in Minnesota. She shared tips for engaging productively with loved ones who have different views and knowing when to set boundaries for your mental health. Below are her insights and sample scripts for various situations.
Vogue: How should someone prepare for a gathering where they might encounter opposing or hurtful viewpoints?
Dr. Audra Nuru: A little preparation can go a long way. Think of it like packing for a trip to an unfamiliar place—you prepare for what you expect but stay open to surprises. Before the event, reflect on topics that might be sensitive for you, similar to checking a weather forecast. This helps you plan your approach. Keep in mind that everyone brings their own experiences and perspectives. Approach these differences with curiosity and kindness, and don’t forget to set healthy boundaries—like having a reliable map to guide you through unfamiliar territory.
Vogue: What’s a subtle way to steer a political conversation that’s becoming upsetting?
Dr. Audra Nuru: First, prioritize the relationship. The person you’re speaking with is more important than winning an argument. Ask yourself how you can express your views while still showing respect. Acknowledge your differences openly. If things get uncomfortable, try saying gently, “I hear you, and I see it differently.” This shows you’re listening and value their perspective, even if you disagree.
Second, listen with empathy, not just logic. Try to understand their background and emotions—what has influenced their beliefs? Even when it’s hard, attempt to see things from their point of view; it can build understanding.
Third, find common ground. Even in disagreement, there’s often something shared to connect on. It’s also okay to recognize when a break is needed. If tension rises, suggest pausing or changing the subject. Ultimately, respectful communication is about how we connect despite disagreements, building bridges by allowing space for different views.
Vogue: How can someone firmly but respectfully indicate that a comment has crossed a line?
Dr. Audra Nuru: Using “I” statements is a powerful approach. Instead of blaming, “I” language shifts the focus to your own feelings and experiences.From my own experience, I find it helpful to express feelings directly, such as saying, “I felt uncomfortable when I heard that comment.” This approach is both honest and respectful, and it prevents the other person from feeling blamed. By taking responsibility for our emotions, we encourage others to do the same. This opens up a space for empathy and understanding, even in the midst of disagreement.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a helpful and clear FAQ about navigating political conversations at Thanksgiving
FAQs Navigating Political Talk at Thanksgiving
BeginnerLevel Questions
1 Why is it so hard to talk politics with family
Because youre not debating strangers youre talking to people you love and their views can feel like a personal rejection Emotions run high and its hard to separate the issue from the person
2 Whats the number one rule for these conversations
Listen to understand not to win The goal is to get through dinner peacefully not to convert anyone to your side
3 How can I politely avoid a political conversation
Have a few gentle preplanned exit lines ready like Lets give politics a rest and enjoy this amazing food or Id rather just enjoy everyones company today
4 What if someone directly asks me about a hotbutton issue
Give a brief neutral answer and pivot For example Its a complicated topic for sure Hey have you tried this stuffing Its incredible
5 What should I do if I feel myself getting angry
Excuse yourself Take a deep breath go to the bathroom or offer to help in the kitchen A short break can reset the entire conversation
AdvancedLevel Questions
6 How can I deescalate a heated argument between other family members
Act as a referee not a player Interrupt calmly and say It sounds like you both feel very strongly about this Maybe we can table it for now Then immediately change the subject to something everyone can agree on like a funny family memory
7 Whats a good way to find common ground instead of focusing on differences
Ask questions that shift from what to why Instead of debating a policy ask Whats a personal experience that shaped your view on this This builds empathy and understanding
8 How do I handle personal attacks or insults without retaliating
Set a firm but calm boundary You can say Im happy to discuss our different opinions but I wont engage if were going to insult each other Then stop engaging on the topic
9 Is it ever okay to just leave the table
Yes if the environment becomes toxic or abusive your wellbeing comes