I’ll never forget the moment I first saw the magic of Grindr in action. It was the summer after sophomore year of college, and a gay friend and I were hanging out at my dad’s apartment, watching Friends reruns and drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade. A buzz came from the front pocket of his backpack. He pulled out his phone, opened an app I’d never seen before, and showed me a profile: the guy who’d messaged him was just 50 feet away—a neighbor in my dad’s building.

As my friend slipped away to meet his match, I stayed behind, sipping my overly sweet drink and wondering if something like that existed for girls who liked girls. I wouldn’t officially come out for another six years, but deep down, I already knew—like so many LGBTQ+ people do. As I grew into my bisexual identity and started dating people of all genders, I kept waiting for a Grindr-like app for queer women. It’s been over a decade, and I’m still waiting. Why?

“I think it’s as simple as capitalism and patriarchy making assumptions about queer women’s behaviors, interests, and spending habits,” says Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, a Florida-based writer and managing editor of Autostraddle. “It feels connected to why people think lesbian bars aren’t financially viable. There’s a perception that queer women aren’t interested in casual hookups, but that just isn’t true.”

She adds, “At Autostraddle, I answer a lot of advice questions, and this comes up often—people asking what apps to use for casual hookups, exploring kink, or even how to cruise in real life as lesbians. There’s a real hunger for it.”

There have been attempts to fill that gap, most notably Lex, a queer-focused dating app that grew out of a missed-connections Instagram page and welcomes everyone except cis, straight men. I used Lex for years before my last monogamous relationship. But when I recently checked it again, I was disappointed to find it felt less like a hookup platform and more like a place to find a pet sitter for your elderly rescue dog—great for community building, but not exactly the casual, semi-anonymous meetup app I was hoping for.

Then there’s Her, the Sapphic dating app founded in 2013, but in my experience, it doesn’t have the same reach or round-the-clock activity as Grindr. Upadhyaya agrees, recalling her time using a similar app called Scissr in Chicago: “There just weren’t enough people on it. I got the sense the founders didn’t fully understand their own product. One of them said she wanted to make a ‘classier’ version of Grindr for lesbians. I thought, Classy? Just let it be a hookup app! It can be messy—it doesn’t need to be dressed up just because it’s for women and femmes.”

Maybe there’s no great mystery here. The tired cliché is that queer women inevitably settle down, adopt rescue dogs, start planning families, and stop going out. But I know so many queer and trans people across the country and the world—people who don’t identify as men—who just want to connect, casually and without fuss. The appetite is there. The right app, it seems, still isn’t.As LGBTQ+ identification increases in the United States, shouldn’t our dating options grow too? If any kind-hearted angel investors are reading this, I have one simple holiday wish: a smooth, reliable, and inclusive app to connect with other newly single lesbians and bisexuals. That’s all I want for Christmas!

Frequently Asked Questions
FAQs Why Arent There Any Great WidelyUsed Dating Apps for Queer Women

BeginnerLevel Questions

1 What do you mean by queer women
This is an umbrella term that includes lesbian bisexual pansexual transgender nonbinary and other women who are attracted to women andor nonbinary people Its about inclusivity beyond just lesbian

2 Arent there apps like HER or Lex Arent those for queer women
Yes apps like HER and Lex are specifically designed for queer women and nonbinary people However they often face challenges with smaller user bases limited reach outside major cities and fewer resources compared to giant apps like Tinder or Bumble

3 Why cant queer women just use Tinder or Bumble
They can and many do but these mainstream apps are built for a straight cisgender majority Queer women often face issues like being shown mens profiles by mistake encountering couples looking for a third or dealing with poor filtering options for gender and sexuality

4 Whats the main problem with current apps
The core issue is a combination of a smaller potential user base which makes it hard for apps to get funding and achieve critical mass and a lack of features that address the specific safety and community needs of queer women

Intermediate Advanced Questions

5 Is it really about the number of users or is it something else
Its both A smaller addressable market makes it less attractive for big investors But its also about design and culture Apps built for straight dating often dont understand nuances like how to respectfully include trans and nonbinary users or how to foster community beyond just dating

6 What specific features do queer women need that mainstream apps lack
Better Identity Controls More detailed and respectful options for gender identity and sexual orientation
Advanced Filtering Ability to filter out couples certain genders or specific orientations
Safety Verification Stronger measures to prevent harassment catfishing and fetishization
Community Focus Features for finding friends events and community news not just dates

7 What is unicorn hunting and why is it a problem on apps
Unicorn hunting