These days, I’m a rapidly aging bisexual in LA, happily settled with a sweet guy who brings me coffee when I’m hungover and surprises me by getting my dirty car cleaned. But not too long ago, I was a messy, newly out lesbian in Brooklyn, desperately trying to land a girlfriend by any means necessary.

I didn’t just want any girlfriend, though. I went on plenty of dates with nice, stable women—the kind with steady jobs who texted back and paid their taxes. But the ones who really caught my attention during that slightly unhinged phase of my life were… well, the less stable ones.

I’ve dealt with depression and disordered eating most of my life, so calling other women “crazy” feels a little weird and maybe even unfair. But back then, that label wasn’t a dealbreaker—I was completely drawn to the wild, chaotic energy of beautiful, magnetic, sometimes mean, possibly under-medicated women (whenever I could actually get them to call me back, that is).

Then, one lazy Sunday afternoon, it hit me: Was my type back then basically just Angelina Jolie playing Lisa Rowe, the dangerously sexy sociopath in Girl, Interrupted?

Here’s a bold take: I don’t think anyone has ever been more perfectly cast than Jolie in that role. Sure, the actress—who just turned 50—has had her own struggles with public scrutiny and media nonsense (especially lately), so maybe some of her real-life mystique bled into her performance. But rewatching the movie now, it’s incredible how completely she becomes Lisa—a total nightmare, yes, but played with such charisma, humor, and undeniable sex appeal that I have to wonder how much of my chaotic dating life in my 20s was secretly inspired by her.

I’m grateful to be in a much healthier place now, but I’ll always have a soft spot for Jolie’s Lisa. Maybe enough time has passed that I can look back on that era with something like nostalgia. All I know is: (1) Girl, Interrupted still holds up, and (2) I hope the Lisa-like women I used to chase have found as much healing and therapy as I have over the years. We all deserve it—especially Angelina Jolie herself.