I love recapping romantic comedies and lighthearted shows like And Just Like That…, but it’s good to switch things up sometimes. That’s why I recently started watching The Waterfront, Netflix’s new drama—part gritty, part soapy—about a North Carolina fishing empire family. Let’s get into it.

Here’s every thought I had while watching the first episode:

– Ooh, mist on the water! Spooky vibes.
– Where’s Daisy’s green light? (Yes, I’ve read The Great Gatsby.)
– Sorry, but these white guys all look the same.
– Of course one of them is named Troy.
– Chase scene!
– Damn, this guy just got punched and tossed into a net like a dolphin.
– Now I’m crying over that Hayden Panettiere dolphin movie trailer.
– This might be the blondest man alive.
– That little girl’s updo is perfect.
– Does a kid really need the new iPhone?
– Do any of us, honestly?
– Loving this Southern mom’s mini-bouffant.
– “Daddy, I’m not being heard.” Valerie Cherish’s true daughter, y’all.
– Wow, that ship is wrecked.
– Sheriff Porter is hot! (ACAB, but still.)
– Was this filmed in Sag Harbor?
– Who buys red curtains?
– Probably a guy with a drinking problem—though blackout shades would work better.
– Hey, it’s Maria Bello!
– “Find yourself a bra.” Damn.
– “Cane Buckley” is not a real name.
– This guy looks like a weird alternate-universe Dave from Happy Endings.
– I miss that show.
– Love when someone casually mentions credit card debt higher than mine.
– This girl’s ex-husband has serious rat face.
– Ooh, sneaky boat moves.
– I kinda like Bree, the angry sister banned from her son’s swim meets.
– So. Much. Punching.
– Even father-on-son punching.
– Galveston mention! Drink up and salute Tina Knowles!
– “You reach for that Johnnie Walker, I will chop your hand off.” Southern women are unmatched.
– The blond men are regrouping.
– Wait, why does this girl Jenna look familiar?
– Oh, she’s a remote journalist! Same!
– “You’re so hell-bent on dying, do it already.” Again, Southern women don’t play.
– Of course Cane played college ball. Friday Night Lights vibes!
– Oh, duh—Jenna is Humberly González (Sophie from Ginny & Georgia).
– Maria Bello’s shirt tucked into her jeans is mesmerizing.
– Harlan, Hoyt, Cane… Are there any normal names in North Carolina? Like Adam? Noah? Gabe?
– This guy’s cutoff button-down is peak Mac from It’s Always Sunny.
– Love that this show is suddenly about drug trafficking.
– Oh NO, are they feeding this guy to sharks?
– Are there even sharks in North Carolina?
– Yep, that’s a fin! Bull shark? Tiger shark?
– Oh God.
– I can’t watch this shark scene. I’ll puke.
– This mother-son dynamic is… weird.
– We Need to Talk About Kevin energy—one of my favorite terrible movies.
– This cop is very bald.
– Also kind of a badass!
– This teen’s name is Diller?
– Aw, his mom bought him Jordans! True love.
– For the record: Yes, you can buy your teen’s love with shoes.
– Reminds me of the year my divorced parents both got me the same boots.
– Don’t worry, I survived.
– Bree’s snitching on the drug operation?
– Okay, episode over!
– That was… fine?