Planning a proposal or just got engaged? It’s natural to want to share your excitement or keep it private, depending on your preference. Whether you’re telling just your family or announcing it to your entire social media network, there are some general guidelines to follow to show respect for the important people in your life.
Of course, etiquette in the digital age is always up for debate. What’s considered “traditional” today? Modern couples often approach engagements with more intention. According to a Zola study, many not only discuss rings with their partners but even shop for them together. Some couples even start wedding planning before the official engagement.
Engagement etiquette has changed, so to help answer your post-proposal questions, we consulted William Hanson, a London-based etiquette expert and executive director of The English Manner.
How Long to Wait Before Announcing an Engagement
After the proposal and a celebratory kiss, it’s perfectly fine to share the news. However, think carefully about how you do it.
Who Gets to Know First?
Before telling others, family should be the first to know. “You need to inform parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and first cousins before posting anything,” Hanson says. Immediate family and in-laws shouldn’t find out online. Since family dynamics and traditions vary, start by telling those you consider family.
If possible, share the news with your parents in person. “Depending on where you live, invite them over for the weekend and tell them then,” he suggests. “You’ll only do this once in your life.” Ideally, the proposer might arrange for close family and friends to join a surprise engagement party right after the proposal, so everyone hears it face-to-face.
Should You Announce Publicly or Privately?
As a general rule, first share the news privately with family and close friends. After that, the timing of a public announcement is up to you. You can post about it on Instagram, share it in a close friends story, or tell people directly.
How Much Should You Reveal on Social Media?
While newspaper announcements were once standard, digital sharing is now common. “With milestones like this, you’re going to talk about yourself,” Hanson notes. “Anything you’d show friends in person, you can post online.”
Sharing your engagement on social media is the norm, and with options like Instagram reels, slideshows, and TikTok videos, announcements have become more elaborate. “Etiquette evolves, but there are still things to consider when posting on Instagram,” Hanson says. Ultimately, “anything you share on social media is a form of showing off.”
To avoid seeming boastful, don’t post close-ups or multiple photos of the ring. “Never mention the cost, carat size, or where it’s from,” Hanson advises. “If someone asks publicly, message them privately with the details.”
For your post, keep it positive and excited, sharing the essence of your news. You can include a bit of your love story or keep it simple with a few ring emojis. Do what feels right for you.When it comes to sharing your engagement news online, Hanson offers this simple but important advice: “If you see an engagement post, only leave positive comments—even if you think the ring is hideous.”
Dealing with Negative Reactions
If you receive hurtful or negative comments on your engagement announcement, don’t let it spoil your excitement. You’re free to hide or delete those comments. This is your special moment—don’t allow anyone to ruin it.
Who to Invite to an Engagement Party
An engagement party is your first celebration as a couple, but who should be on the guest list? According to Elizabeth Post’s great-great granddaughter, proper etiquette suggests inviting only those friends and family you also plan to invite to the wedding—though not necessarily your entire wedding list.
With multiple pre-wedding events like the engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner, there’s a risk of overwhelming your guests. Hanson advises, “Focus on quality over quantity. Host one or two events and do them well. If you choose an engagement party, follow it with the wedding—that’s enough. Otherwise, guests may feel worn out by the time the wedding arrives.”
Hanson also reminds couples to be considerate of others: “Good etiquette is about thinking of others before yourself. Keep your guests’ budgets in mind when planning events that require travel or attendance.”
Engagement parties can range from casual to formal, so choose invitations that match the tone. A mailed invitation is a thoughtful touch, but a digital invite via Paperless Post works just as well. For a spontaneous, low-key gathering right after the engagement, a group text is perfectly acceptable.
How to Handle Save-the-Dates
Save-the-date cards inform guests that they’re invited to your wedding and provide the date and location, with a formal invitation to follow. Before finalizing your date, double-check for holidays, birthdays, or scheduling conflicts—especially for a destination wedding. It’s a good idea to check informally with close friends and family to make sure the date works for them.
Hanson suggests, “Call close friends first, then follow up with something in writing. A call alone might not be enough—they could be busy. A phone call followed by a text or card is ideal.”
As for timing, Hanson recommends sending save-the-dates about a year in advance. “For a wedding abroad, the more notice the better. If it’s local and nearby, it may not be as necessary.”
Navigating Plus-Ones
Following Emily Post’s wedding etiquette, it’s customary to automatically invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of your guests. Bridal party members should also receive a plus-one. Apply the same rules consistently to all guests to prevent confusion or hurt feelings.
Hanson advises, “Use your judgment with plus-ones. If you’ve met the partner, invite them. If not, it’s okay to leave them off the list.”
To avoid misunderstandings, clearly list each invited guest by name instead of using “and family.” Cultural differences may also play a role. Hanson notes, “In some cultures, families are larger and live together, which can make guest lists tricky.”
You also have the option to host a child-free wedding. Hanson adds, “If you are including children, be sure to list each child by name on the invitation. If their names aren’t included, then they are not invited.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a helpful and clear list of FAQs about announcing your engagement designed to sound like questions from real couples
FAQs Announcing Your Engagement
Beginner Definition Questions
Q Who should we tell first and when
A Always tell your immediate families and closest friends in person or with a personal phone call before making any public announcement They should hear the news directly from you
Q Whats the most important information to include in an engagement announcement
A Keep it simple Include your names the date you got engaged a happy photo of you both and a shared expression of your excitement
Q Do we have to announce it on social media
A No its not required An announcement is a personal choice Many couples do it to share their joy widely but a private approach is just as valid
Q Whats the difference between an engagement announcement and a savethedate
A An engagement announcement shares the news that youre engaged A savethedate is sent later once you have a wedding date and venue to formally ask guests to reserve the date
Benefits Strategy Questions
Q What are the benefits of announcing our engagement
A It formally shares your happy news allows friends and family to celebrate with you helps manage expectations about the wedding and can be a fun way to start the wedding planning journey
Q How can we make our social media announcement unique to us
A Use a photo that shows your personalitymaybe from the proposal moment a favorite shared hobby or a casual joyful selfie Write a caption in your own voice
Q Should we create a wedding website before we announce
A Its a great idea A simple website with your story and a contact form can be a helpful hub for information after you announce directing people to one place for updates
Common Problems Etiquette
Q How do we handle people who are upset they werent told personally
A Acknowledge their feelings with a kind private message Explain that you were excited and wanted to share the news broadly and youre sorry they felt overlooked Reiterate how much they mean to you
Q What if our families are divorced or dont get along How do we navigate telling them
A This requires