Warning: This post contains spoilers for Season 3, Episode 8 of The White Lotus.

I can’t believe we’ve reached the final episode of The White Lotus Season 3. Heading into Sunday night, I was fully prepared to watch these wealthy people misbehave one last time—and, of course, to finally find out who died (if anyone actually did?). If no one died, then what were those gunshots in the first episode? Did a monkey get hold of a gun? If so, I want credit for calling it!

This season has been a wild ride—Carrie Coon worship, real-life romance inspiration, debates about Lorazepam, and plenty of book-club-worthy drama. Now, it’s time to wrap it all up with a bang. Below, you’ll find every single thought I had while watching the Season 3 finale.

– I’m really going to miss these opening credits.
– I can’t believe the composer had beef with Mike White! …Actually, yes I can.
– It’s Thailand… I mean, Taiwan, Piperrrrrrr!
– Tim’s Duke shirt is back, even though Duke told The White Lotus to stop using their name.
– LOL at this little hotel hallway floor roll.
– “Don’t you like me anymore? I need my guy.” Classic White Lotus masculinity.
– I wish the Thai party girls had gotten the same depth as Mia and Lucia in Season 2.
– Oh, my sweet Gaitok.
– Carrie Coon looks amazing with her dark roots peeking out—though I get why she had to be blonde for the role.
– Aww, Lochlan is such a sweetheart.
– Is Piper wearing LoveShackFancy?
– Wow, those are some very graphic shots of monkeys mating.
– Belinda introducing Pornchai to Zion, and Zion saying, “We met, Mom,” is painfully awkward—especially after he walked in on them.
– But Zion teasing his mom about liking Pornchai is cute.
– Piper complaining that the temple food wasn’t organic? Oh honey, we all turn into our mothers eventually.
– Victoria saying it’s offensive to the less fortunate if the Ratliffs don’t enjoy their lives… sure, okay.
– Every time these brothers are near each other, I flinch.
– I am deeply uncomfortable right now, but at least Saxon seems to be too.
– There’s no worse feeling than watching your friends have fun without you on a group trip.
– Valentin looks downright sinister in that green collar. 🙂
– Chelsea’s bright yellow caftan is somehow both hopeful and tragic.
– I could spot Walton Goggins’ sexy receding hairline from across the beach.
– Did not expect Chelsea and Rick to have a rom-com-style reunion kiss on the shore!
– LOL, Victoria is thrilled to be buying her daughter stuff in the hotel store. Capitalism wins again.
– Let Lochlan stay inside and read! I did it for 18 years, and I turned out fine!
– Oop, it’s Tim vs. Pam again—except this time, she’s trying to give him his phone back instead of taking it.
– Jesus, the tree is called “the suicide tree” because people grind up its seeds to kill themselves?
– Pam! Don’t tell Tim that!
– And yep, he’s ripping the fruit open.
– Suicide by fruit! (Or at least an attempt.)
– “Soup to nuts” is such a bizarre phrase.
– Hell yeah, shoutout to Tanya McQuoid.
– “Mom, why don’t you just give us businessmen a minute alone?” You sound like a five-year-old, but okay!
– “He wants us to be scared, but we have to make him scared!” Go off, Belinda!
– I would love a Zion-and-Belinda family-scam season.
– “I am confident… when I feel good about myself.” Gaitok, sweetie!
– Oh no, is Tim really trying to poison his whole family by blending the seeds into piña coladas?
– Wait, he’s sparing Lochlan?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?
– I want Chelsea to be my girlfriend, constantly telling me, “You’re free, it’s a new day.” Sounds lovely.
– Ugh, this weird Christian gardening metaphor is terrible.
– “I’ve just been in the best mood all week, I really have.” Jaclyn, be serious! We all saw you!
– “All week, I’ve just been so sad.” Exactly, Laurie!
– Aw, did this somehow turn into a heartwarming moment between the…Here’s a clearer and more natural version of your text:

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Cursed girls’ trip? Holy crap, Tim is making piña coladas!
I’ll never look at those drinks the same way again.
He’s really going to wipe out Lochlan’s whole family and leave him alive and alone?
I am genuinely panicking about how this ends.
What kind of Jonestown nightmare is this pre-death toast?
LOL at any parent claiming their kids have “no trauma.”
Oh hell yes, here comes Victoria’s “toast to Thailand.”
Obsessed with Victoria downing her death drink like a champ.
OMG, he slapped the drink out of Saxon’s hand at the last second.
That was seriously dark, even for this show.
“Have you ever heard of wine?”
Wow, Greg actually gave Belinda the money!
Oh no, Lochlan’s using the blender with the poisonous seeds.
Not Lochlan!
Rick vs. Jim showdown!
How did I never notice Chelsea is totally Adriana La Cerva from The Sopranos? (Clueless, hot girlfriend of a guy obsessed with avenging his dad.)
Oh crap, Lochlan’s throwing up in the pool.
Seriously, who doesn’t rinse out the blender—especially after making killer cocktails?
OMG, Rick just shot Jim!
Okay, fine, the killer wasn’t a monkey.
JIM IS RICK’S FATHER?!
Maury moment!
Shootout time!
CHELSEA DIES?!?!
Mike White, you are absolutely not getting into heaven.
Ignoring your girlfriend the whole trip? Yeah, she might just… die to make you feel bad.
Women: We have our ways!
Is Gaitok about to shoot Rick?
Yep, Gaitok shot Rick.
So Rick, Chelsea, Jim, and Lochlan are dead, right?
This shot of Rick’s floating body is seriously creeping me out.
Wait, is Lochlan alive?
He’s back and still puking!
“I think I just saw God.” Iconic.
The Ratliff siblings seem weirdly calm after everything.
Wait, so Lochlan has no side effects from the poison?
That plotline doesn’t feel fully resolved to me.
Props to Tim for telling his family “things are about to change” after trying to murder them.
The blonde trio doesn’t seem too bothered by the deaths either.
Greg is somehow both creepy and unkillable.
If no body bags get loaded onto the plane, was it even a White Lotus trip?
Live your best lives, Belinda and Zion!
Aw, I wish Belinda and Pornchai had worked out.

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