Long-distance relationships typically involve a few key ingredients: strong communication (in an ideal world), occasional existential dread (in reality), and phone sex (a must). Or these days, FaceTime sex—preferably lots of it.

So it wasn’t surprising when Carrie Bradshaw, the newly crowned poster child for long-distance love, recently gave it her stamp of approval. Always in touch with the zeitgeist, the beloved sex columnist-turned-novelist is seen in the latest season of And Just Like That… attempting a digital rendezvous with her long-distance lover—none other than Aidan Shaw (still processing that revelation, honestly).

With Aidan tied to Virginia by family obligations and Carrie being, well, Carrie in Manhattan, phone intimacy becomes their go-to. The scene starts predictably steamy: he’s in his truck, parked away from the house; she’s in bed, clad in a black bra and an open shirt. Then Aidan accidentally honks his horn, snapping Carrie out of the moment. He manages to finish, but she’s distracted by her cat, Shoe, staring intently. “My goodness,” she murmurs casually (classic Carrie phone sex). Later, over drinks, she confesses to faking it. “Now I feel dishonest,” she admits, unimpressed by Miranda’s reassurance that she’s faked real sex too.

Most women have faked an orgasm at least once—a topic we’re thankfully discussing more openly. But we might not talk enough about how often we fake other things too. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve half-heartedly sexted while seasoning dinner or balancing laundry on the radiator. It’s common—one study of 155 college students found nearly half of so-called “active sexters” had lied to partners during sexting, with women fibbing more than men. Classic.

In some ways, lying over the phone can be harder than in person—you’re less distracted, and it demands better acting skills. You have to nail the right sounds, responses, and prompts, even if you’re just stirring oatmeal at 7 a.m. You can multitask: answering emails, gardening, filing taxes. The possibilities are endless—maybe that’s why it’s so common.

One friend shared, “I once verbally dominated a trainee monk over the phone while walking to work in sneakers. He thought I was in stilettos.” Logistics dictated the timing—his packed schedule (seven church services a day) meant they had to sneak it in when she was en route. “I didn’t mind saying ‘twist your nipple clamps’ in public, but faking an orgasm at a rural bus stop was awkward. Luckily, no one was around.”

Sometimes, faking phone sex might feel thrilling—like reclaiming control you wouldn’t have in real life. But guilt often lingers. Another friend admitted, “I faked it once with my boyfriend when he was in Japan. I knew I wouldn’t finish, but he needed to… so I pretended. I still feel bad.”

At its core, the reasons for faking phone sex aren’t so different from faking in person—sometimes, you just can’t get there, but you don’t want to disappoint.People fake pleasure in real-life situations for various reasons. Naomi Magnus, a psychotherapist and founder of North London Therapy, explains it comes down to a few key factors: “People feel pressured by society’s unrealistic portrayals of sex and romance, worry about not meeting their partner’s expectations, or struggle with performance anxiety.”

For couples in long-distance relationships, phone sex might be one of the few ways they connect intimately. Since the stakes are higher, faking pleasure repeatedly can be especially harmful—it creates dishonesty in the relationship.

Magnus explains, “When someone pretends, it creates a disconnect between how they truly feel and what they show outwardly. Over time, this can lead to emotional distance, lower self-esteem, and a sense of isolation for both partners—one isn’t being genuine, and the other may pick up on that insincerity. If this continues, it can damage communication and even threaten the relationship’s stability.”

The best way to stop faking it? Start by having an honest conversation with your partner. Magnus suggests, “Gently explain why you felt pressured to pretend, and reassure them that their desires don’t have to match unrealistic expectations.” Open communication helps maintain healthy emotional and physical boundaries.

In the show, Carrie eventually takes this approach—she confesses to Aidan at the end of the episode and tries again. Things seem to be going well until Aidan reveals he’s lying in bed next to his teenage son. And that’s the end of that.