As a skinny, shy ten-year-old, my entire idea of sexy was summed up by one woman: Jessica Rabbit. She was a vision of hourglass curves and long red hair styled like Veronica Lake’s, commanding the room in a sparkling, siren-red dress that looked practically painted on. And technically, it was.
The irony that she was a cartoon from the 1988 film Who Framed Roger Rabbit wasn’t lost on me once I grew old enough to realize her appeal was a stereotypical fantasy—the kind of sexy that made men go cuckoo, eyes wide and hearts pounding, while other women looked on with envy. And young me bought into it completely. Jessica Rabbit, the fleet of swimsuit-clad lifeguards on Baywatch, Frederique van der Wal and her fellow Victoria’s Secret models… they all shaped my juvenile understanding of what sexy meant, defined by the reactions they drew from others.
Unsurprisingly, I never grew up to be “Jessica Rabbit” sexy. Even as my definition has expanded—shifting from the gaze of others to something more personal and nuanced—I’ve still struggled to fully claim it. “Sexy isn’t something others give you. It’s whether or not you feel it,” a close friend once told me. She’s right, though of course how we feel is often influenced by others, whether it’s a direct sense of sexiness or something that stirs it. When I asked what makes her feel sexy, she said, “When you hold somebody’s attention.” Same for me. Being wanted—truly, intensely, even if just in my imagination—gives me a dizzying rush of confidence that feels something like sexy, if only for a moment.
Jennifer Zuccarini, founder of the lingerie brand Fleur du Mal, agrees that confidence is key to radiating inner sexiness. For her, it can be as simple as doing something generous for yourself, like wearing beautiful lingerie or getting a good workout in. “Maybe you get your hair done just the way you like, and you feel a little better. Even if no one else notices—you did this for yourself—and you feel more confident,” she says. “It’s a little secret with yourself.”
I’ve always found people who carry a quiet, mysterious air of self-assurance deeply sexy, so maybe it’s time I practiced that myself. There was no shortage of provocative mystery on the runway at Tom Ford’s Spring 2026 show, which opened with three models gliding down the catwalk in dark sunglasses and tightly belted patent leather coats that gleamed like liquid. They were impossibly sexy precisely because of what they didn’t reveal, leaving everything to the imagination. These are women who know exactly what they’re doing, I remember thinking. And truly, they did. According to creative director Haider Ackermann, their task was to seduce without seeming intentional. It worked. Between the shadowy setting, the models’ cool detachment, and Ackermann’s talent for crafting languid, elegant suiting, I was captivated—and inspired. Why not let my shy side settle comfortably in the shadows, where allure lies not in what I say, but in what I hold back?
Similar currents of dark glamour flowed at Saint Laurent, where sheer trench coats, leather pencil skirts, and subversive pussy-bow blouses created a uniform for after-hours allure. Feeling emboldened, I recently bought a vintage early-’80s slim leather skirt—coincidentally, also Saint Laurent. Similar in style, but in a deep midnight navy, the smooth, supple leather feels incredible against my hips and thighs. It’s the kind of skirt that doesn’t just change how I walk, but how I move altogether.I don’t rush, I prowl. More than once, I’ve caught myself stroking my back and hips, unconsciously running my palms over the skin-like surface of the leather. If the first step to feeling sexy and seductive is to seduce yourself, then maybe I’m closer to that goal than I thought.
At Givenchy, creative director Sarah Burton also presented several leather pieces—this time as dresses with single shoulder straps that draped loosely down the arm, and a sarong-style skirt paired with a matching bra top. But feeling sexy requires more than just wearing leather; otherwise, someone would have let me in on that secret long ago. Backstage, Burton spoke about flipping the script: empowering women through feminine archetypes, rather than those often shaped by the male gaze. The collection had a visibly softer, more relaxed, and effortless quality, with exaggerated silhouettes that celebrated womanly curves. Burton knows all too well that women’s lives are complicated—in many ways, beautifully so. This was her encouragement to embrace that complexity on our own terms, free from someone else’s fantasy, so we can live out our own. How sexy is that?
I thought of Zuccarini’s philosophy—her belief that the endorphin rush from doing something special for yourself is sexy in itself, with no one else needed. And, as Burton expressed through her designs, living a self-possessed life is deeply sexy, especially because of how desirable it makes us feel to ourselves. Imagining myself as sexy might be as simple as no longer declaring that I’m not.
I’ve always found others who radiate a quiet, even mysterious sense of self-satisfaction to be deeply sexy, so perhaps it’s time I practiced that myself.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of FAQs about the topic Sexy Isnt a LookIts a Mindset How Three Spring Collections Helped Me Find It
Understanding the Core Idea
Q What does sexy is a mindset actually mean
A It means that feeling sexy comes from your confidence attitude and how you carry yourself not from fitting a specific body type or wearing trendy clothes Its an internal feeling you project outward
Q How can clothes help you find a mindset Isnt that backwards
A Not necessarily Clothes can be a tool for selfexpression and experimentation Trying on different styles can help you discover how you want to feel acting as a catalyst to shift your internal confidence
Q Is this just about feeling confident
A Confidence is a big part of it but its more specific Its about embracing a sense of allure playfulness and selfpossession that feels authentic to you
About the Three Spring Collections Approach
Q What were the three spring collections mentioned
A While the specific collections will vary by brand and year the essay likely uses them as archetypes
1 Romantic Flowy to connect with femininity and ease
2 Tailored Structured to embody power and intention
3 Bold Playful to encourage joy and daring
Q Do I have to buy a whole new wardrobe to do this
A Absolutely not The idea is to explore and identify what resonates with you You can use pieces you already own thrift items or try things on in a store without buying Its about the act of exploration
Q Im not a fashion person Will this still work for me
A Yes This isnt about being fashionable its about paying attention to how different clothes make you feel Youre using clothing as a mirror for your mindset not following rules
Practical Application Common Problems
Q How do I start if I feel awkward or silly
A Start small and private