A wise woman once said: “I will not be judged by you or society.” She also said, “Hello, my name is Fabulous!” and “You can’t swing a Fendi purse without knocking over five losers.” We’re talking, of course, about Samantha Jones, arguably Sex and the City’s funniest, wisest, most progressive, and life-loving character.
With her open-minded, sex-positive approach to men and dating, her unwaveringly loyal approach to friendship, and her don’t-mess-with-me approach to work, Samantha was the woman we all wanted to be, and the woman we all wanted to listen to—even now. Though Sex and the City ended two whole decades ago, many of her most valuable life lessons—usually delivered through purring, witty one-liners, either with a dirty martini in one hand or while waving a fork over brunch—feel just as relevant today.
And so, without further ado, on Kim Cattrall’s 70th birthday, here are 70 of the greatest Samantha Jones quotes of all time.
“Dirty martini? Dirty bastard!”
“You can’t swing a Fendi purse without knocking over five losers.”
“Please, Maria has 10 dicks!” waves fingers
“I am harsh. I am also demanding, stubborn, self-sufficient, and always right—in bed, at the office, and everywhere else.”
“Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a ‘job’ for nothing.”
“Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.”
“I have decided, after careful consideration, that I might be ready for bigger boobs.”
“A guy gets angry in a meeting, he’s a pistol. A woman? She’s emotional.”
“I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.”
“I’m dating a guy with the funkiest tasting spunk!”
“What’s your age ceiling with men? Factor in millions and millions of dollars.”
“I’m telling you, Carrie. It was like a wall of flesh coming at me… I mean, it was quite a shock, his hands are relatively tiny.”
“He’s doing it on his lunch hour, I’m going to follow him. Oh, don’t worry, he won’t know it’s me, I got a wig from the Raquel Welch wig line.”
“Three errant hairs and this asshole thinks I’m George of the Jungle. And you should see the bush on him, I need a weed-whacker just to find his dick.”
“I don’t believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties.”
“Do you know that when a vagina gets engorged, it expands to the size of a fist? It’s like a fabulous cave!”
“I don’t understand why women are so obsessed with getting married. I mean, married people just want to be single again.”
“I’m a try-sexual: I’ll try anything once.”
“I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool.”
“I love you too, Richard, but I love me more.”
“The right guy is an illusion. Start living your lives.”
“If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I’d never leave the house!”
“I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want as long as I can breathe—and kneel.”
Carrie: “You brought a pregnant woman a bottle of scotch?”
Samantha: “The invitation said ‘BYOB’.”
“I’m going to have a big drink. Jealous?”
“Men aren’t that complicated. They’re kind of like plants.”
“I’m not going to die in this tin can. I have a date with a dildo.”
“Since when did kids become the get-out-of-cancer-free card?”
“I masturbated to my priest.”
“Money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.”
“If you were 25 that would be adorable, but you’re 32. That’s just stupid.”
“I’m sick of people with children, they’re everywhere.”
“His dick is like a gherkin.”
“The country runs better with a good-looking man in the White House. I mean,”Look what happened with Nixon. Nobody wanted to sleep with him, so he went after everyone else.
“I feel about being a bridesmaid the same way you feel about Botox—painful and pointless.”
“The good ones mess you over, the bad ones mess you over, and the rest don’t even know how.”
“Men cheat for the same reason dogs lick themselves—because they can.”
“The only words worth saying in bed are the dirty ones.”
“Nipples are everywhere right now—just open any magazine.”
“Yes, I need glasses and I’m not embarrassed. I’ve got a hot young guy who loves sleeping with me, and I’m fabulous.”
“I go to kids’ birthday parties for you. You’re going to Abu Dhabi for me.”
“You know, marriage doesn’t promise a happy ending—just an ending.”
“I’m navigating menopause with my vitamins, my melatonin patches, my bioidentical estrogen and progesterone creams, and a bit of testosterone—I’ve convinced my body it’s younger than it is.”
“I don’t get any action unless the Knicks win.”
“An ex is an ex for a reason.”
“The new millennium won’t be about labels like gay or straight. It’ll be about expressing yourself sexually. It won’t matter if you’re with a man or a woman—it’ll be about connecting with individuals.”
“Oh please, there’s always a competition with an ex. It’s called, ‘Who dies more miserable?'”
“I’m fifty-freaking-two, and I’m going to rock this dress.”
“Honey, what’s the point of living in the suburbs if you’re not going to sleep with the gardener?”
Charlotte: “Trey and I are trying to have a baby.”
Samantha: “Why?”
“I’m done with great love. I’m back to great lovers.”
“Hello, my name is Fabulous.”
“I’m not the kind of woman who sits at home waiting for a man.”
“I’ve never met a man who was bad in bed and good at life.”
“Why don’t you go screw yourself, because I’m not doing it again.”
“It’s dickalicious.”
“How dare you! These are Chanel.”
“You dated Mr. Big, I’m dating Mr. Too Big.”
Charlotte: “She stole my baby name!”
Samantha: “You bitch!”
“I remember when Danny had more than one thought—and they all involved going up my ass.”
“Oh please, if you’re a whore, what does that make me?”
“You’ve got a lot of nerve telling me to get waxed—every time I go down on you, it’s like flossing.”
“They practically chased me with torches like I was Fuckenstein.”
“We can’t leave yet! They haven’t even cut the cake!”
“This is so typical of men in power. They love being dominated and humiliated.”
“Is that the smallest man you’ve ever seen?”
“He’s a hot priest! Look at his robe—it’s so Robin and His Merry Men.”
“I don’t do sick people.”
“Why does everyone have to get married and have kids? It’s so cliché.”
“I can masturbate to whoever I want!”
Frequently Asked Questions
Here is a list of FAQs inspired by the concept of a 70 Greatest Samantha Jones Quotes list written in a natural curious tone
General Beginner Questions
1 Why are we talking about Samantha Jones quotes
Because Kim Cattrall the actress who played her turned 70 and fans love celebrating the characters most iconic fierce and unapologetic oneliners
2 Who is Samantha Jones
Shes the bold confident and sexually liberated publicist from the hit HBO series Sex and the City Shes known for her witty comebacks her nononsense attitude and her loyalty to her friends
3 What makes a quote a Samantha Jones quote
It usually involves a mix of sass confidence a sharp observation about relationships or life and a total refusal to be embarrassed about who she is Its often very direct and a little bit naughty
4 Is this list of quotes just about sex
Not at all While shes famous for her sexual confidence many of her best quotes are about female friendship career ambition selfworth and setting boundaries
5 I havent seen the show Will these quotes make sense to me
Yes for the most part The best Samantha quotes are universaltheyre about standing up for yourself not settling and having fun You dont need the backstory to get the punchline
6 Why is she considered such an iconic character
Because she broke the mold In the late 90s she was a rare TV character a woman in her 30s40s who was unapologetic about her career and her sexuality and who didnt define her worth by getting married
7 Is this list of quotes meant to be a birthday tribute
Exactly Its a fun way for fans to honor Kim Cattralls birthday by revisiting the character that made her a cultural icon
8 Are these quotes from the show the movies or both
A good list will pull from both the original series and the two feature films capturing her best moments across the entire franchise
Advanced Thematic Questions