Navigating wedding etiquette is a key part of being engaged. When you’re planning a celebration for your closest friends and family, there are traditional customs to follow—on top of all the practical details. Since modern etiquette has evolved, it’s a good idea to refresh your knowledge early in your engagement or when you run into potential missteps with guests.
To help, we spoke with Lizzie Post, an etiquette expert, author, and great-great-granddaughter of manners icon Emily Post. Below, she shares tips on how to host your wedding with grace and consideration.
1. Tell Your Inner Circle Before Posting on Social Media
Wedding etiquette starts as soon as you get engaged. While it’s natural to want to share the news widely, make sure your closest loved ones hear it from you first—not through an Instagram post. “People can feel hurt if they find out from a distant cousin,” says Post.
2. Don’t Announce Your Engagement at Someone Else’s Event
An engagement is exciting and naturally draws attention, but if you’re at someone else’s wedding, graduation, or baby shower, keep the news to yourself. Post explains, “Unless the hosts encourage it, it’s never a good idea to announce your engagement at someone else’s event, whether it’s a birthday party or a casual gathering.”
3. Have Thoughtful Conversations About Financial Help
Many couples pay for their own weddings, but some receive contributions from family. Though it might feel awkward, it’s important to discuss this early, since your budget shapes your plans. Post suggests only bringing it up if your parents or others have hinted they’d like to help. She recommends saying: “We wanted to check if you’re interested in contributing—it’s not a request, just an open invitation. If so, we’d love to talk about how and what you have in mind.” She also advises family to offer support soon after the engagement so the couple can decide whether to accept.
4. Be Clear About Expectations with Financial Contributions
There’s no rule that contributors must get a say in the guest list or planning, but some may expect it. It’s important to clarify these details when money is offered, so you know what you’re agreeing to. One firm rule from Post: “Anyone who contributes should be listed as a host on the invitation.”
5. Always Invite Both Spouses in a Married Couple
If you’re friends with someone who’s married, you must invite their spouse—even if you don’t know them well. “Married couples are a social unit,” says Post, “so you always invite both.”Whether you know both people in a couple or not, it’s polite to invite them together. If there’s mutual dislike, the respectful option is for the partner who feels uncomfortable to skip the event—but you should still invite both, as they might both decide to come.
You should also invite long-established couples together, even if they aren’t married or don’t live together. If they’ve been together for years, it’s considerate to include both.
However, you don’t have to extend a plus-one to someone in a new relationship. If a guest was invited when they were single, they don’t automatically get to bring a new partner. If you have space and feel comfortable, you can invite the partner later, but it’s not required.
If you do offer a plus-one, the guest can bring anyone they choose—a friend, a date, or even a family member. There’s no obligation to give every single guest a plus-one.
Be thoughtful with people who aren’t invited. If someone shows interest in your wedding but didn’t make the guest list, you can gently explain that you had to keep the event small. You don’t need to share your guest list or confirm who’s invited. If someone assumes they’re invited, a sincere apology can help smooth things over.
You also get to decide whether children are welcome. You can make the event adults-only, set an age limit, or only include children in the wedding party. Just be clear and consistent. If children are part of the ceremony, their parents should be invited too.
Finally, send your invitations with enough time for guests to plan ahead.Make sure to plan your travel and request time off for the celebration. That’s why it’s important to send save-the-dates and invitations with enough advance notice. According to Post, save-the-dates should be sent six months to a year before your wedding, while invitations should go out 12 to 16 weeks ahead. If you’re planning a wedding in less than six months, sending both may not be necessary—and can be challenging due to printing and mailing timelines—but you should still notify guests as soon as possible so they can mark their calendars. While printed invitations are preferred, Post notes that a digital save-the-date can sometimes be appropriate.
Your invitations should include clear instructions on how and when to RSVP. Post finds digital RSVPs very convenient but still appreciates mailed responses. If you’re sending physical RSVP cards, include a stamped and addressed envelope for your guests. The RSVP deadline should be set six to eight weeks before the wedding day.
Create a Wedding Website
In today’s digital age, wedding websites are a great resource for guests. They can share event schedules, details, collect RSVPs, and provide updates. Post recommends having one from a hospitality perspective.
Provide Accommodation Information for a Destination Wedding
While arranging a room block for guests is a nice gesture, it’s not required for a destination wedding. Still, it’s helpful to share information about the wedding location so guests can find nearby lodging. Post suggests offering a range of accommodation options to suit different budgets, as guests may feel limited if only expensive choices are provided. Be thoughtful and include affordable alternatives so everyone can participate comfortably.
Set Up a Registry
Post explains that wedding registries help guests choose gifts that match your taste and needs. Although guests aren’t obligated to buy from the registry, creating one makes gift-giving easier for them. However, she advises against including registry details on the invitation itself, as it can shift the focus away from the celebration. Instead, direct guests to your wedding website, where they can find registry information along with other details.
When selecting items for your registry, include a variety of price points to accommodate different budgets. This way, guests can put together smaller items or choose something meaningful without feeling pressured. While it’s fine to include items related to shared hobbies, avoid gifts that only one partner would enjoy. Post also notes that registry funds are acceptable today, especially when set up for specific purposes.When you’re raising money for a specific purpose—like buying furniture for your new home or creating the garden you’ve always wanted—it helps to let people know exactly how their contribution will be used. This gives them a clear idea of where their money is going, and it also gives you something meaningful to share when you thank them later.
15. Send Thank-You Notes Promptly
If a guest sends you a gift, be sure to send a thank-you note. It’s important to do this in a timely manner—not just to stay organized, but also to let the giver know their gift arrived safely. Some couples wait to open gifts until after the wedding, so it’s still a good idea to acknowledge when a gift is received. Writing thank-you notes together as a couple is a nice touch, as it shows you’re sharing the experience and working together socially.
16. Offer Clear Dress Code Guidance
If any of your wedding events have a specific dress code, include that information on your wedding website. While the time and venue often give guests a sense of what to wear, it’s helpful to be explicit if you have a particular style in mind—like “island chic” or “denim and diamonds.” If you can’t describe the dress code clearly, it might be too vague for guests to follow.
17. Set Clear Expectations for the Wedding Party
If you’re asking friends to be part of your wedding party, let them know what will be expected of them before they agree. This includes things like whether they’ll need to buy a specific outfit and roughly how much it might cost. Being upfront helps everyone plan and shows consideration for their time and budget.
18. Plan Your Rehearsal Dinner Guest List Thoughtfully
The rehearsal dinner is typically for those directly involved in the wedding rehearsal, including their partners and immediate family. If children are in the wedding, their parents should be invited to the rehearsal and dinner (though the kids don’t necessarily need to attend). You should also invite the officiant and their spouse, though they may not always be able to attend. Beyond that, it’s up to you whether to include out-of-town guests or others.
19. Avoid a Cash Bar
If you’re serving alcohol at your wedding, it should be covered by you as the host. A cash bar is not considered good etiquette. Plan your budget with your caterer or liquor supplier to offer drinks you can afford. Also, tip jars for bartenders should not be used—the host is responsible for tipping. Of course, if you prefer not to serve alcohol, that’s completely acceptable too.
20. Seat Couples Together
When arranging your seating chart, make sure couples are seated next to each other. There are many factors to consider when creating a layout where everyone feels comfortable and can enjoy themselves.Make sure your guests are happy and enjoy their time at dinner. When planning your seating chart, always seat couples next to or across from each other. Even if you have a head table for yourselves and the wedding party, their plus-ones should be seated with them. As Post advises, “I would not leave their partner alone at a table of people they don’t really know.”
Greet Every Guest
Even at a large wedding with over 500 guests, try to say hello to everyone at least once. Post suggests, “People might cringe at receiving lines or think they’re old fashioned, but they’re wildly effective for ensuring that you talk to every one of your guests.” Another great way to connect is by visiting each table as a couple. At the end of the event, have a final sendoff so you can say goodbye to your guests as well.
Frequently Asked Questions
Of course Here is a list of helpful FAQs about essential wedding etiquette for the couple
General Etiquette
Q Why do we even need wedding etiquette Isnt it our day
A While it is your day etiquette is about making your guests feel welcomed respected and comfortable It helps things run smoothly and prevents misunderstandings or hurt feelings
Q When should we send out our wedding invitations
A Savethedates should go out 68 months before the wedding Formal invitations are typically sent 68 weeks before the big day
Q Whats the biggest etiquette mistake couples make
A Often its not communicating clearly with guests about important details or not properly thanking people for gifts and their time
Guest List Invitations
Q Do we have to invite partners and plusones
A Yes its considered proper etiquette to invite spouses fiancés and livein partners by name For single guests a plusone is a courteous gesture especially if many guests wont know each other
Q How do we politely say no kids on the invitation
A Address the invitation envelopes specifically to the adults by name You can also include a polite line on your wedding website or details card like We respectfully request an adultsonly celebration
Q What if someone asks to bring an uninvited guest
A Politely but firmly explain that due to venue capacity or budget constraints youre unable to accommodate extra guests You can say Im so sorry but were at our final headcount and cant add anyone else
The Wedding Party Family
Q Who pays for what Are we responsible for the wedding partys outfits
A Traditionally the couple pays for the wedding partys attire However modern etiquette varies The key is to be upfront about any financial expectations when you ask someone to be in your party to avoid surprises
Q How do we handle divorced parents without causing drama
A Communicate your plans with them early and separately Be clear and fair about roles The goal is to honor them without forcing uncomfortable interactions
Gifts